


you're my world (but i'm just living in it)

by youngjaewrlds



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Dorks in Love, M/M, Sad with a Happy Ending, Sharing a Bed, Tears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:07:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28127361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youngjaewrlds/pseuds/youngjaewrlds
Summary: The dancer, with his cute dimple and his slanted eyes, with his adorable little quirks and his high-pitched laugh. Beyond everything, Changmin was a caring person, attentive and helping Kevin out by small yet meaningful gestures, and with him Kevin felt like he owned the entire world.But when his whole world was slipping in between his fingers, what did he have left?
Relationships: Ji Changmin | Q/Moon Hyungseo | Kevin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 47





	you're my world (but i'm just living in it)

**Author's Note:**

> this can also be read on its own, but here's a little dive into the behind the scenes of my current fic (chef's kiss) (that's the title of the fic) , chapter 20, because it revolves around kevin, yet i didn't include his point of view at all. 
> 
> to the three people out there who ship kevin and changmin together, i hope you enjoy!

Kevin was feeling lonely. Lonely, and terribly frustrated, as his boyfriend of eight month, the infamous dancer and youtuber Ji Changmin, had recently signed a new contract with the dance company he was under.

Kevin had been so incredibly happy for him, nearly happier than Changmin himself, before he came to understand that the tiny fonts of said-contract must have mentioned “you shall dedicate your entire life to us and not see your boyfriend”, or something along those lines, because Kevin hadn’t seen his boyfriend _at all_ in over a week.

One thing led to another, the daily struggles of Kevin’s life as an anxious introvert kicking in harder with the absence of his boyfriend from his life. Rationally, he knew he shouldn’t rely entirely on Changmin for the little everyday life, insignificant things. But Changmin made it so easy to grow dependent on.

The dancer, with his cute dimple and his slanted eyes, with his adorable little quirks and his high-pitched laugh. Beyond everything, Changmin was a caring person, attentive and helping Kevin out by small yet meaningful gestures, and with him Kevin felt like he owned the entire world.

But when his whole world was slipping in between his fingers, what did he have left?

It hadn’t taken long – one week without Changmin for Kevin to come crashing down, an embarrassing breakdown at work, where he was the cause of no less than a _fire,_ one that had burned his friend and profoundly scared three others, not to mentions the costumers of the restaurant who had to be evacuated.

And Kevin felt even more terrible that Changmin had dropped everything the second Eric had given him a call to come running right back to Kevin’s arms, leaving his job and all he’d been working so hard for behind, and Kevin felt like a piece of shit. Not even able to man up and do stuff for himself for once, he’d even interfered with Changmin’s job, his _dream_ , because he couldn’t go more than a few ridiculous days without his boyfriend.

Because everything felt like a huge rocky mountain without Changmin there to help him climb up safely.

“Kebbie”, Changmin’s broken voice interrupted his train of thoughts. “Talk to me, baby, please.”

Kevin hadn’t said a word, not one, ever since Changmin had picked him up – quite literally – from Flower Snack, the restaurant he worked at, and had driven him to their shared apartment, helping Kevin lay down in their bed.

Was it even their bed, still? It felt so foreign, the silked sheets scratching at his skin, the air around him cold and hostile. Without Changmin’s warm body pressed against his, his past nights had been filled with nightmares. At least on the days he had been able to actually sleep.

“I’m so sorry, baby”, Changmin’s voice, soft, rippled into his ear for the billionth time in the past hour.

Kevin simply didn’t have the strength to reply. Not after crying all the tears out of his body.

He didn’t have the strength to speak, but both him and Changmin knew he shouldn’t be left alone. He had been alone too much, recently. It had started before Changmin’s contract, even.

A month? Kevin wasn’t sure. He hadn’t been counting, because he hadn’t really noticed, in the beginning.

First, it had been the audition.

Scratch that. There was the _preparation_ for the audition.

Then, it had been the transition in between both contracts. Taking the pictures, the demo videos, setting up his profile as a professional dancer. Fighting the company to be able to keep his Youtube channel, to be allowed to continue posting his covers according to his own free will. And learning new choreography over new choreography.

Kevin felt like a boat without its anchor, and he felt terrible for making everything about himself, because he knew it wasn’t only the boat drifting away, but the anchor sinking deeper and deeper, getting lost in a sea of work requirements.

He was worried about Changmin, maybe – definitely – more than he was about himself. With Changmin gone all the time, Kevin had no way to make sure Changmin was taking care of himself properly, had no way of knowing if he was okay, if he needed anything from him. He was helpless, and all he could do was drown in worry, alone.

“Love”, Changmin spoke again, his fingers delicately tracing patterns onto Kevin’s arm.

Right about where the burn scar would now forever be on Chanhee’s arm.

“I need to go back”, Changmin said, voice small.

And the words made Kevin’s heart sink to his stomach.

To think that his boyfriend would really take the rest of the day off for him, how foolish of him. He had been interrupted probably right in the middle of practice, of course that wouldn’t be possible without consequences. Maybe Changmin would end up not coming home _at all_ that night, because of Kevin.

Changmin gave Kevin’s arm a little squeeze. “I love you, Kevin. Do you want me to call anyone here before I leave?”

Kevin mustered all the strength left in him to shake his head. He was already a burden to Changmin. He wasn’t going to be a dead-weight hanging off someone else too.

Changmin sighed. He waited a few seconds, not moving from where he was sat next to Kevin’s laying body. “I’ll text Jacob hyung to drop by after he’s done with work.”

Kevin was about to open his mouth to protest, when Changmin beat him to it. “I know you don’t want to bother him, which you are _not_ , but I can’t leave you here alone, knowing you’re like this.”

A few seconds passed, before Changmin stood up from the bed, the mattress adjusting to the shift of weight under Kevin. Getting back it’s cold, ugly shape, when it was Kevin alone laying in it without his other half to keep the picture balanced.

“I love you”, Changmin’s fingers held Kevin’s. “ _You know?_ ” he added in English, with his cute higher-pitched voice, and Kevin hated him for the way his words managed to send butterflies all over his stomach even at how low he was feeling, and he could almost feel his lips twitch into a smile because Changmin _always_ knew how to get to him, in the best way.

Changmin leaned down slowly to press a lingering kiss to Kevin’s forehead, brushing his bangs off his forehead in the same gesture.

Kevin shut his eyes at that, his entire being focused on remembering the feeling of Changmin’s touch, the pattern of his lips on his skin, because he had no idea when he would be getting this close to Changmin again.

The sound of the front door locking behind Changmin was the nail to Kevin’s coffin, lifting the dam holding Kevin’s tears inside, and they flowed freely on his cheeks, Kevin unable to move, unable to do anything other than cry, and feel all sorts of horrible at the same time.

He couldn’t have counted in the state he was in, but it couldn’t have been more than half an hour when Kevin heard the sound of the keys in the front door again.

Changmin was always true to his words, another reason for Kevin to be head over heels for him. Changmin never threw meaningless words around, never made empty promises. Everything was always so _real_ with him, from the way he always _meant_ it when he asked how someone was doing, to the way he told Kevin he loved him.

So, Kevin didn’t bat an eye at the sound of footsteps coming into the apartment, of a bag dropping to the floor, keys onto the counter. It was Jacob, coming in like a saviour to scoop up the mess that was Kevin. Just Jacob, being the best of best friends Kevin could have ever asked for.

The door to the bedroom creaked open, and Kevin didn’t even budge. He hadn’t moved a single inch since Changmin had left, his eyes straying somewhere on the ceiling, maybe not entirely focused on anything.

“I’m back.”

Kevin’s brain froze. It couldn’t be. Changmin had work, he was busy, he couldn’t...

“Why?” he forced himself to ask, voice still strained from crying.

The mattress dipped under the weight of Changmin, crawling on next to Kevin, until he dropped his body half on top of his boyfriend.

Kevin didn’t mind. He could cry again at how much he’d missed this.

Changmin buried his face into the crook of Kevin’s shoulder, lips leaving apologetic kisses over the skin exposed by the collar of Kevin’s sweater.

“I went back to negotiate”, Changmin finally replied, lips moving lazily against Kevin’s neck. “I won’t be working 15 hours a day anymore. I had to threaten to quit, which,” he chuckled nervously, “kinda risky, but they agreed.”

Kevin’s brain just near stopped at Changmin’s words. “What do you mean, 15 hours?”

And his brain was instantly back to spinning, because there were only 24 hours in a day, and if Changmin worked for 15 of them, then that meant–

“Shhh”, Changmin whispered, head finally settling for a spot on Kevin’s chest. “You think too much. It’s over now. It should have been over way before.”

“I haven’t seen you in a _week,_ Min”, Kevin croaked out. “I haven’t seen you at all. Have you been eating?”

Kevin could feel Changmin pouting just by the way his cheek moved differently against his chest.

“The minimum”, his boyfriend mumbled.

“And sleep? When do you sleep? _Did you even sleep, at all, in the past fucking week you haven’t been taking care of yourself and I know you don’t give a damn about sleep but–_ ”

“Baby”, Changmin stopped him, propping himself up on his elbow to be able to see Kevin’s face. “You know I love when you speak English, but please I want to actually understand this time.”

Kevin broke into a grin. Was that what Jacob meant when he said that Kevin liked to ramble in English?

“Sorry”, Kevin said.

Immediately, Changmin was jumping on him, pressing a finger to his lips and staring at him with a menacing glare. “Don’t apologize, Kevin Moon”, he scolded.

And before Kevin knew it, a laugh was bubbling out of his own mouth, lips opening against Changmin’s finger, who moved it around to caress Kevin’s cheekbone, softly smiling at him.

“ _I_ am sorry for getting too wrapped up at the studio and forgetting to... live, basically”, Changmin spoke after a few seconds.

Kevin sighed. He raised a hand to grab that one of Changmin’s that was resting on his face, bringing the back of his hand to his lips for a kiss instead. “You need to take care of yourself”, it was his turn to scold, pressing little kisses to Changmin’s hand.

Changmin snuggled closer into Kevin, throwing a leg in between Kevin’s.

“I know”, the dancer said. “But taking care of myself takes so much _time_ –”, he groaned, leaning his head onto the pillow next to Kevin’s.

“I should be using that time to take care of you instead”, he added with a shy peck to Kevin’s cheek.

“You know that’s not how it works”, Kevin frowned, turning onto his side to face Changmin.

The younger’s eyes stared right back into his, round and full of regrets, the corners of his mouth upside down.

“You need to care for yourself before caring for others”, Kevin said.

Changmin firmly shook his head, almost like a petulant kid, and Kevin couldn’t help but lean forward and peck the tip of his nose, lips brushing it just barely, but enough for Changmin’s pout to turn into a small smile.

“Did you even sleep in our bed, or did you use the couch because you didn’t want to wake me up?” Kevin asked. “Min, you know I wouldn’t mind.”

Changmin looked down at their intertwined hands. “I know you’ve been stressed lately. I didn’t want to add onto it by ruining the little sleep you can get.”

“You don’t even fit on the couch”, Kevin joked to try and lighten the mood. “Must have been uncomfortable.”

Changmin pouted once again, eyes locking into Kevin’s. “I’m sorry. I know you like to cuddle but I didn’t think I deserved to wake you up in the middle of the night, not after I have been a terrible boyfriend for the past month.”

Kevin nodded, a small grin on his face. “You have.”

He leaned forward to press a long, sweet kiss to Changmin’s pouty lips, cupping the younger’s face with the hand he wasn’t already holding Changmin with.

“So you need to make it up to me”, Kevin smirked.

“I see you’re feeling better”, Changmin sighed happily. “I’ll make it up to you all you want. Let’s have the best stay-at-home date in the history of stay-at-home dates.”

“I’ll cook”, Kevin immediately offered.

Changmin and cooking were two concepts that didn’t go well together.

The younger chuckled, nudging Kevin’s chest playfully. “We can just order something, silly. I’m not letting you lift a finger tonight.”

Kevin raised an eyebrow. “Well, I’m not doing anything with you until you’ve taken a nap, because babe you’re so handsome but those bags really don’t suit you.”

They both stared at each other for a second, before laughing softly, bringing their foreheads together to breathe in each other’s presence.

“I missed you”, Kevin smiled.

“Missed you more”, Changmin replied, almost competitively. He inched closer, capturing Kevin’s lips with his own, his arms snaking around his boyfriend to hug him closely.

Kevin’s body had never felt so warm, not in almost a month, and he savored every second of Changmin’s hug, every pressure of the younger’s body against his an intoxicating touch. The events from earlier at the restaurants were all forgotten.

“I love you, baby”, Changmin mumbled against Kevin’s lips.

“I lo–” Kevin started, but was interrupted by Changmin kissing him again, strong and feisty, the weight of his body trapping Kevin under him.

“I love–” he tried again when Changmin had to pull away for breath, but his boyfriend leaned right back in, hand coming up to tangle into Kevin’s hair.

The next time Changmin backed away, he immediately pressed a hand to Kevin’s mouth. “I’m not letting you say it.”

He removed his hand. Kevin had a little staring contest with him, trying to guess what his boyfriend’s next move would be. He raised an eyebrow, but Changmin was still on top of him, inches away from his face yet not moving, seemingly waiting for _something_ , and Kevin knew what it was.

He opened his mouth as if to speak, and it didn’t take a second that Changmin was locking lips again, delicate yet aggressive, wanting to prove he’d won whatever game he had decided they were playing.

Kevin smiled into the kiss, throwing an arm around Changmin to press him closer. Whatever game Changmin was playing, Kevin would gladly let him win if that meant he would respond like _that,_ giving Kevin everything he’d been wishing for in the past month.

Just like their relationship had started on a whim, nothing planned, just feelings blooming all of a sudden through time spent alone behind closed doors, Kevin knew they’d have to adapt in the future, mold their relationship around the hardships placed ahead of them. He knew Changmin would still be busy with his job, despite working less. He was ready to accept that, because as long as Changmin took care of himself, as long as he was happy and had a little time for Kevin on the side, there was nothing more Kevin could wish for.


End file.
